Ep. 1 - Juliette's Story: A Teenager's Reflection on Childhood Moves and Navigating Change

Melissa

00:00

Welcome to the very first episode of This Is My Story, where everyday women share their stories of struggles and setbacks that have shaped their lives. I'm your host, Melissa Teutsch. Today's episode was originally a test episode recorded with my 17 year old daughter Juliette. We weren't actually planning to release this, but she gave her blessings, so I'm excited that you get to hear from her today. Juliette is a senior in high school who is actively involved in her high school cirque and theater programs, as well as a host of leadership activities. All that keep her very busy. You can find her on her own podcast, Classics and Coffee, a father-daughter podcast devoted to discussing the classics–and the books they think should be classics–over coffee. In today's episode, Juliette and I discussed how frequent childhood moves have affected her and some of the recent changes in her life and her struggle to adapt to them. Before we jump in, a quick reminder to follow us on our social media and subscribe to us wherever you listen to your podcasts. You can find all our social media links as well as more information about us at, thisismystorypodcast.com.

Juliette

01:01

My name is Juliette and this is my story.

Melissa

01:04

I'm tired.

Juliette

01:06

I'm so tired right now. I took a five minute nap. I'm exhausted.

Melissa

01:11

I'm struggling to pull the energy, the personal, like the, to put any personality in this. So for my beta listeners, yeah, for my beta listeners that are gonna be listening to this, just know I have spent all week with insomnia, which I have never had before, and only getting about five to six hours of sleep a night. And I just woke up from an hour nap. So I'm struggling a little bit, but I need to get this done. So

Juliette

01:43

Six and a half hours is usually normal for me.

Melissa

01:48

That is ridiculous. 

Juliette

01:49

We can have energy.

Melissa

01:50

I can't do that. Well, I'm gonna have to fake some energy.

Juliette

01:55

Yeah, you can fake it. I believe in you. Yes. I'm faking it right now. If I can fake it. You can fake it.

Melissa

02:00

We're gonna fake this together. Okay.

Juliette

02:02

Yay. Okay.

Melissa

02:03

Okay.

Juliette

02:04

The amount of okays I've said so far. Okay. I was like, okay,

Melissa

02:09

Ready? Okay.

Juliette

02:12

Should we doing a little cheer now or something? Like a little clap.

Melissa

02:16

The odd thing about this interview is that Juliette is like 20 feet away in another room. If I, if my desk was on the opposite side of the room where I am, we actually could look out each other's windows and wave at each other. So it's a little awkward for her to be like, you know, 20 feet away in a different room and not doing this face-to-face. But we wanted to test this out and make sure everything was good before we launch with, you know, actual interviews of people outside of my family. So for my guest, they fill out a form before, kind of like a pre-interview form in which they tell me what their setbacks and struggles are, you know, what they wanna talk about. And so there were several topics that Juliette put on her form. First glance, they don't look like they all have something in common, but as you kinda look into it and think about it and knowing her history, which is not something that I will have for most of my guests, but knowing her history, I know that the, the thread that seems to be the theme in everything that she wants to talk about is changes.

Melissa

03:29

And I know that is so difficult for so many people. During my insomnia fueled night last night, I decided, what are the statistics on changes and an resisting change? So I looked that up at like, what 3:00 AM 4:00 AM this morning? Oh

Juliette

03:47

My goodness.

Melissa

03:49

And here are the stats. So about 50% of people are kinda apathetic about change. Like they're, they're just kind of like going with the flow, seeing what's gonna happen, but they're not really leaning into it and like having, you know, trying to like help along with those changes. They're really, you know, they're just, they're just neutral but 30% of people resist change. So Juliette, where would you fall in those statistics?

Juliette

04:23

I think it really depends 'cause I think there's a good and negative side to everything. But I will admit, I think I do lean more on the resisting side.

Melissa

04:33

Yeah, I'm totally on the resisting side. I'm definitely part of that 30%.

Juliette

04:39

Like I think the thing is is it really depends 'cause like some of the things that we're gonna get into, I am not super excited about the change, but if it's a change that I'm excited about or something that's I feel like is gonna end up being really good, then I'm a lot more like go with the flow about it. So I think it really, it really depends on the situation for me. But I think is there like a middle portion that I can just throw myself in? Is there like a 20% middle portion in that?

Melissa

05:04

That's the, that's the neutral people. They don't lean into it a thing. They don't embrace it but they don't resist it. That's the 50% that are just hanging out seeing what's gonna happen.

Juliette

05:15

I think I swing from one side to another. Like it just depends.

Melissa

05:19

Yeah. I just wanted to start off kind of at your beginning, which is easy. If this ever makes it past our beta listeners and goes live with Juliette's blessing, just a little background. Juliette is 16 years old, she'll be 17 next week. We're recording this in August and she's going into her senior year of high school. So as you can imagine, lots of changes. If you remember, I vividly remember how it was going into this time of her life, of my life. So anyway, we don't have to dive back too far to ask this question, but Juliette, what was your childhood like?

Juliette

06:00

Oh my gosh, I'm still in my childhood so I can't really like, I feel like that's something that I'm not able to quite sum up yet. But I think one of the main things was, so I was born in Louisiana and I lived a couple places there for about 10 years. When I think about it, most of my childhood sort of consisted of like moving from places to places. Like I don't really have one childhood like home that I think of, you know? And I think that's kind of good too because you have different places for different stages of your life so you grow in different areas, but at the same time, like it can be kind of scary, especially when you're like 10, 12, you know? And so it's kind of stressful. But I feel like most of my childhood just consisted of living in different areas. Like there's a different part of, I don't view my whole childhood as a childhood, but also like I, I'm still a kid so I can't really do that yet. But at the same time I just view it more so of places rather than age, if that makes any sense at all.

Melissa

06:56

Yeah, that makes sense. So it's kind of segmented, it's not so in your mind it's not just, I look back on my childhood, I look back on my childhood in X, Y, Z location. Yeah,

Juliette

07:09

It's,

Melissa

07:09

It's so lots of segmented memories.

Juliette

07:12

It's more so like I look at myself in Norway or I look at myself here or in Louisiana or Alabama and like so forth and so on. And I'm like, who was I? Like what was my childhood like then? 'cause all of them are so drastically different from one another. So, 'cause I'm growing up but at the same time they're all just very different locations and so it's kind of, I can't sum it up in like a one childhood home kind of thing. And like from birth to senior year, that's all I've known. That was my whole childhood, you know what I mean? Yeah.

Melissa

07:43

So you mentioned Norway. Yeah. That's like a ding, ding ding. You're gonna have to explain that one. So where all have you lived?

Juliette

07:56

Am I allowed to give this information Mama? Like is that okay?

Melissa

07:59

Yes. I approve. It's probably very public because your mom tells all

Juliette

08:05

Yeah, well I was, I was gonna say, I was like I don't know how I feel about giving off like everywhere I've lived. But then you're also here so I can, I can ask for your blessing on that. 

Melissa

08:14

Well you don't have to, you don't have to give addresses.

Juliette

08:17

Oh no, I don't even remember addresses. I'm not giving addresses. Yeah, so I was born in West Monroe, Louisiana. I grew up there till I was about almost three years old. And then after that we moved to Lafayette, Louisiana. So from about three to the age of almost 10, I pretty much lived there. And we lived in a couple houses in Louisiana in Lafayette. And thinking about it now, like half of my life so far, like I was thinking about this like in the shower the other day, half of my life so far until I turned 20 would've lived in Louisiana pretty much. Or 18 actually or 20 more so. 'cause it was like a month before we moved. And that's still crazy to me because it sounds like forever ago. And then once I turned 10, it was right before I turned, was it right before I turned 10? Yeah. Okay. Right before I turned 10 we moved to Auburn, Alabama for two years and then after that dad got a full pride scholarship to Bergen, Norway. And so we lived there for a year, which was super, super cool. And then after that year or 11 months pretty much summed up, we moved where we are now. And if you wanna say where that is you can, but I'm not gonna say if that's not

Melissa

09:22

We're in north Georgia. 

Juliette

09:24

Yeah, North Georgia. 

Melissa

09:25

We're in rural north Georgia.

Juliette

09:27

I was like, I don't wanna give a town 'cause these towns are so fricking tiny. Yeah. There…

Melissa

09:31

So easy to find us.

Juliette

09:33

You can just go on the housing market and be like, oh there they are.

Melissa

09:37

So did you enjoy moving around? Like was that something that, you know when your parents would say we're moving, were you excited about that or were you like mad?

Juliette

09:49

I think I'm gonna, I'm gonna use these two examples because I think they show the contrasting of the two. The first time I found out that I was like ever gonna move minus West Monroe, which I was like three so that didn't really matter. Like I got to ride in a U-Haul truck. Okay. Like that's, that's great. I didn't really care except you said that I wanted to go home. Right when we got to Lafayette you were like, I wanna go home. And you were like, this is your home. And I was like no it's not.

Melissa

10:13

Yeah, TMI. So you know you're three, you're potty training, you need to go to the bathroom. Oh like number two. And you're like I can't do that at this house. This is a strange house. I need to go home to do that.

Juliette

10:28

That's like me with public bathrooms. So I've been like that for like apparently…

Melissa

10:35

TMI. But yes

Juliette

10:37

It's innate. So the first time we moved that I vividly remember was Lafayette to Auburn. And I remember it was two days after school ended. I thought I was gonna go into my fifth grade year where I was currently at school and I didn't even know dad was applying for a job at the time. And if he did I didn't really think about it in any sense. Like I knew he was looking at a job in like Iowa was at one point. But other than that, like I had no idea about Auburn from my recollection. So he tells me two days later I think I like woke up. It was like, I don't remember what time it is, but I woke up and I think I was eating breakfast or something and he was like, oh yeah we're moving to Auburn. And I was like, what?

Juliette

11:12

I was like, no, we're not moving, we can't be moving. It was really stressful and it was hard because you're nine years old and you've grown up your whole life in this one area knowing all these people and then the fact that all of a sudden you find out that you're not gonna be there anymore and you're moving in like two months. And I think the thing that made it worse was like if I knew three days beforehand, like the day before school ended, it would be fine you know? 'cause you could get to say your proper goodbyes to everyone. And I have to say goodbyes to like some people, but at the same time I didn't really get to do that because it was right after school ended. So I think that's one of the things that I didn't like. But when it came to living in Auburn and then finding out that we're moving in Norway, I remember it was your birthday and dad got a letter, he printed it, I think it was an email and he printed it out and he was like, I got the job.

Juliette

12:03

Like we're going. And I remember originally it was kind of a bit conf…, like we were uncertain as to whether he was gonna go or if we were all gonna go. But then we all ended up getting to go. And that one I was so excited for. I was counting down the days to leave 'cause I thought it'd be so exciting. I'd never been on a plane before, never been outta the country before. Let me just say that airports, I was not missing anything other than a lot of stress. I hope that airport transportation becomes better one day because I don't like it at all.

Melissa

12:33

I don't think it is.

Juliette

12:35

I don't think it, I feel like the most, the worst thing about travel, like I'm completely fine with jet lag but airports themselves are just so chaotic and so stressful. It's crazy. And then your flight gets delayed three hours and then you have to like run to your connecting flight. And so you know like the scenes in the movies where everybody's like running through the airport so you feel like you have to like reenact that scene because like you're literally running to your gate before you miss your connecting flight.

Melissa

13:01

It's art imitating life.

Juliette

13:03

Fun stories. And then I remember like this is off, but I remember when we got to Norway and we bought, like we went to the store and we were super tired and we got like a pizza and some milk and cereal and you cooked the pizza, you had a slice of pizza but while the pizza was in the oven, like all of us passed out except for you 'cause you had to get the pizza outta the oven. And then we passed out for like five hours or like seven hours or something. And then we woke up and then we were like full of energy and we're like, let's go to Ikea. And then we went to Ikea and then we got off our stuff.

Melissa

13:30

So you were in Norway for a year. That's, that's really cool. And it sounds like you know, even Louisiana, Alabama, that's not down the road, that's a couple of states over then you went another state over when you came back to the US so lots of changes. Did you experience a sense of rootlessness or a lack of belonging due to all the moving around?

Juliette

13:54

I don't really think so. I think the thing with me is from a young age growing up I knew I sort of had to learn the fact that these different places helped me figure out who I am. So it didn't really matter 'cause I still made friends with a bunch of people but at the same time I knew that I wasn't gonna be there forever. And so it didn't really give me a sense to feel like rootless because I was kind of already rootless, if that makes any sense. Yeah. Like I kind of knew that going in so I wasn't like, I don't feel like I don't belong. I was just like this is just how it ended up. This is just what happened. And I'm really thankful for that too because I'm someone who gets, I, I don't think you used the word claustrophobic but I can't stay in one place for too long, you know? I have to be constantly

Melissa

14:38

You get restless.

Juliette

14:40

Yes. And I think that's one of the things why, especially with human, like I went to a summer camp this summer, you of course you know, but if this like goes public or something in those three weeks I was so excited because I got to leave my house. I usually don't leave my house over the summer. But just like going to different environments, like I love that. That's something that I really enjoy. Even if it's like an hour down the road for like a day in Atlanta, it's just like it keeps me from staying in one place for too long. And I think that's one of the things where like when I grow up I feel like I want a job that's gonna have me like, I wouldn't say moving constantly, but the ability to travel if that makes any sense at all. Like you still have a place that you live.

Melissa

15:17

So you would say that or would you say that had you not spent your childhood moving around, you wouldn't have that restlessness of and and that desire to constantly be changing your environment?

Juliette

15:33

Actually I think I might have it more if I didn't because I think the thing is is that's something that I just cannot imagine in, in a universe where I would be happy in one spot for like 18 years or longer. Like it amazes me people who can stay in one area for so long, especially like rural areas, it shocks me how people can like live there for like their whole life. Because for me it's sort of, I don't know, it's just kind of, it's just like you love it and there's like a special place in your heart for it. But then there's always like that time to move on. And so I think that's one of the things that always there comes a point and the fact that some people have never had that point really shocks me and amazes me. 'cause I'm like how how do you do that? You know? How are you so content with where you are for like so long? Especially since like you've seen 70 years, like your area's gonna change a lot. Especially like 70 years ago we didn't have a Chick-fil-A two months ago we didn't even have like a TJ Maxx, you know like that kind of thing. Like those are like really stupid examples. But the fact that you're seeing the whole thing grow too, like it's just, it's crazy looking back.

Melissa

16:45

Has all of that moving around shaped your identity?

Juliette

16:49

I think so. I think without moving around I would've been a lot more, I wouldn't, I would not say I'm a very laid back person like I can be. But for myself personally, like to other people I can be kind of laid back. But I feel like when it's like me and like what I'm doing, I'm not really laid back. I'm more so uptight with what I do. But I think it allowed me a sense of to know that there's so much out there and to just that there's so much more to discover and that you can find different parts of yourself in different places. And I think that's one of the amazing things about traveling. 'cause it's sort of when you travel it sort of allows you to re like restart. Not really restart but it allows you to sort of like forget in that kind of sense and like grow back from the ground up of who you are, you know?

Juliette

17:35

'cause sometimes so often when you're in a place for so long you begin to sort of like adapt to your environment, you know? So there's certain parts of you that will stick out more and there's certain parts of you that you might hold back and that's not, that's just something that everybody does, you know, depending on where you're from and the environment that you grew up in. So the fact that when you travel somewhere, you kind of start off with you're your raw inauthentic self 100%. And of course as time goes on that's gonna change a bit because you're gonna stay there longer. But for me, I think that's one of the things that I love so much about traveling. As you sort of go back to who you are at your surface as a human being with no influence, no, just no influence on who you are as a person.

Melissa

18:15

I love that. So you're, you're not letting those people around you shape and dictate your personality or you're reactions. Like you're getting to just strip back down to who am I really?

Juliette

18:28

And I think like the thing is, is like, especially in high school and especially for teenagers, I feel so many times you, you don't even notice it. And I think this goes the same for like everybody regardless of age, you don't really notice it but you know, like you bring certain parts of yourself out there more than others depending on like who you're hanging out with. Like I could give you a list of some of my friends and the fact that I will be more like serious towards some and I'll have more of like a more, I don't know, I'll just be more serious. And then some of them I'm a lot more like chaotic and it to have zero filter and I'll be just saying like the craziest stuff. And so you really have to like, you react differently with different people. And so when you go back and you sort of have all of those eggs back in one basket, you know, and they're not scattered all over the place and so you get to redo it all over again I think is always great. 

Melissa

19:19

Rachel Hollis is the author of a couple of books. You wouldn't know them, they're, you haven't read them, okay. But for the people who may listen to this in the future, it's girl Wash Your Face and Girls Stop Apologizing. And I know Rachel tends to be a little, I think there's been like some drama with her and I think she got a lot of pushback. I even was a little leery, I didn't read these books but I was leery of like, who's this random person coming out of nowhere telling us the stuff but, and acting like an expert. But anyway, so I guess you could say people could be a little divisive on her. She said in one of her, and I don't know if she said it in a book or if she just said it in an interview or what, but she, she said that moving doesn't change who you are. It only changes the view outside your window. But I would think that from what you just told me, you disagree with that.

Juliette

20:13

I think, here's the thing, I think it's more complicated than that. 'cause I think the thing is we are who we are as a person and I feel like that's something that we have throughout our entire lives. But I feel like moving, you know, you're not always gonna know everything about yourself. Like I'm someone, I find myself pretty confident in who I am, but I don't know everything about who I am. You know, I don't know, like you could ask me multiple things. Like especially like for example the questions on my college applications that are like who are you? I'm like, I don't know. I'm like, I know who I am but I can't put that into words, you know? I feel like I haven't really been able to do that. And so I feel like it's not changing who you are as a person, but it's showing you sides of yourself that have always been there but haven't really been able to step out into the light. And I think that's something very important because it helps you discover who you are more as a person. And the stuff is al it's always there. It's never not been there. It's just that it's finally that moment for that side of you to come

Melissa

21:08

Out. I love that. So did you find that moving frequently influenced your ability to adapt to change in other areas of your life? I know you on your feedback form, you talked about changes with senior year and I know you've been a little frustrated with just adapting to that change. And I know we had a very long conversation about this. Yeah. But maybe we can have some of that conversation again. Yeah. For this. But do you feel like, you know, kind of, do you feel like that experience with moving has helped you with having to adapt to change?

Juliette

21:50

I think the thing, it really depends, you know, me going into a new environment, like we were, someone talk about this the other day, sort of like to provide a bit of context if people are listening to this out outside of us too. If it's gets like out there one day, basically what happened is our school, my school right now over my senior year is undergoing an entire renovation process. That's the first thing. So this year, this school year, which is gonna be in four days is like 90% of my classes are gonna be in trailers. Which is, I mean, that's okay. Like I don't have a complaint about that. I've, I've been in trailers before. But the other thing that's really stressing me out is we have an entire new arts department. We have four new teachers. One of the teachers in our arts department came here like last year. So he's, this is his only his second year. And then the longest person who's been here was like 20 years, but she's, she's pretty much always been there. But all of our other teachers like left. So we have a whole bunch of new faculty and I'm currently in the process of cir c ole cir, i, I can't pronounce it. Cir cir

Melissa

22:58

Cirque de soleil

Juliette

22:59

Cirque de soleil. See we always say cirque, so I can never pronounce like the actual thing, which is, it's a bit of a problem.

Melissa

23:05

I don't even know if I said that right. I said it with confidence. Yeah.

Juliette

23:07

So we're in preseason right now 'cause we have a show this fall. And I, it was really stressful because I think the thing is sort of what we were talking about in the car earlier, when you're moving or like you, you, you use this in the context of like having a different job and different management. But for me it was more so in this context when I'm moving it's completely different sense of a change. You know, you're just going to a new environment. You're discovering new things, you're seeing, you're seeing a world from a different point of view and it's still stressful. But I don't think it's as stressful. And I think, think I'm able to adapt to it more knowing from the past that it's all worked out okay. But I think the thing that's completely different with this change is I have been here for three years and then there's these new people coming in and it's taking something that you've been so used to and that you finally got adapted to and taking that and completely flipping it over, you know, and changing the whole thing up, which that's normal, that happens.

Juliette

24:12

But the fact that it is a completely different kind of change than what I'm used to. 'cause I think the thing is, is you can't really characterize change is one thing. You have to have it, there's different kinds of changes. And so I think that one change can't prepare you for the other changes in life because there's just so many. And so I don't think moving has prepared me for that one at all. But I think it has prepared me for like, I don't know, things equivalent to moving and adapting to new environments. I feel like that's really helped. So

Melissa

24:42

You feel like moving around frequently has helped you to be flexible in when you insert yourself into, in new environments willingly or when your parents insert you into new environments willingly. But when, when those changes take place in an environment that is established for you like school and you're just like, you have no say so in it, you are suffering the consequences, so to speak. That that ability to adapt to change doesn't really, doesn't really come in there. It's a different change, like you said. Well I will say, you know, as you alluded to when I talked about, you know, as an adult, this is something that I think all adults, you know, we never get used to change. And you know, like we established at the top of this episode, I'm resistant to change and it's, it's very hard for me when the change is in a com… in an environment that I'm already established and comfortable in.

Melissa

25:51

That’s completely different when I'm the one bringing about the change. When I, when I chose to make the change, that's completely different. But yeah, when you didn't choose that change, it's different. And it, it's something you never really get used to

Juliette

26:03

That. That's what I was gonna say actually, is when I have a developed routine in one space, like I don't want that to be messed up. I want that to be as concise and as regular and routine as it possibly can be. But if I am presented with the opportunity to do something that's out of that routine and I willingly take it, I'm all for it. But like even it can get so bad sometimes that I feel like if I have a, I have a to-do list that I do every day because for some reason I just have to do a lot of things or else, I don't know, like yesterday I didn't have a good day. Well I had a good day, but yesterday, like evening, I was kind of upset because I, I didn't do like two things on my list that I was supposed to do even though I had like no time whatsoever.

Juliette

26:50

And so, I don't know, it's just for some reason the way that my brain's wired, it's a blessing and a curse I guess. But the thing is, is if you're just simply come in here and tell me that I have to do that, we're like going on a trip or something. Like if you want me to go to this like to Walmart with you, and that was not a part of my original plan, sometimes I'm like, oh crap, now I have to alter my entire day and all of the things that I have to do just so I can go to Walmart. 'cause mom wants me to go Walmart, go to Walmart. You know, so it's kind of the messing up of that and something that you're used to and something that you planned on your own is stressful. But when I'm like, for example, we went to go get coffee today. I was like, or we went to go get lunch, I also had coffee. I'm like, oh yay, let's go. Like if I willingly want to do ch like do change, I will do it and I will be 100% into it. And those are very like small examples, but just sometimes how little those can be, I feel, I feel like that's sort of how I am.

Melissa

27:52

So not to continually quote people all the time, but I, I saw this other quote, I really liked it. There are a ton of quotes, really good quotes out there about change because like I said, we all deal with this. This is a common thread for everyone, a struggle for everyone. But Maya Angelou said, if you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude. Again. We talked a little bit about this the other day. You, you know, I picked you up from the first day where you're meeting all these new staff, these new teachers, you were not happy, you were very frustrated because everything had changed. So do you feel like in the week that you've a, you know, that you've adjusted, that you've changed your attitude towards it?

Juliette

28:43

I feel like it's gone a lot better. Like the first day was so bad, like I forced you to take me to Chick-fil-A 'cause I needed to eat my feelings out. But like the other days it's been, it's it's, it's very different. I will say I have never been to preseason for circque before. I've only been to like the normal like school year. But everybody's just very different. Everybody. It's not a bad different, but I think the thing is, is that it's something that I'm really not used to. Like I know we're audition process next year or this year is so different. Like they're making us sing. We've never had to audition and sing for cirque before. I'm not a singer. I don't like singing in front of people. Like just kind of like stressful stuff like that. And like usually we do like group auditions.

Juliette

29:30

So like we'd all come in together or like we'd go in multiple at a time and do like a group audition. But for this they're like having you come out one at a time on the stage, which is normal. That's not, not something that's uncommon. That's how you usually do an audition. But the fact that it's so drastically different than what I'm used to and that I was all thrown on to be on the first day, I think that was what really like, I don't know, maybe really hesitant and resist it all. But I feel like now that I'm kind of like, okay, this is how it's gonna go. This is how it is. It's sort of, I'm not resisting it as much. I'm like okay, I'm gonna have to stick with this. Like I don't really have an option and I'm finding myself to like it more and more each day, even though it's still something that I have to get used to.

Melissa

30:15

Good. This was the last thing that you had listed as one of the setbacks and struggles that you wanted to talk about. Grief can affect people in different ways and I know that death is definitely a change. Death of somebody close to you is definitely a change in your life. It leaves a big gap in your life. So how did her passing affect you?

Juliette

30:44

It was, I wanna say that like me and Nana were close but we weren't like really close in the sense that I am with like my other grandmother and I, I will be, I will be honest, she scared me sometimes. She was pretty scary. But I loved her but…

Melissa

31:02

She scared me sometimes too.

Juliette

31:03

Oh yeah. But the thing was, was I think when she passed it, it kind of made me really feel bad about myself because everyone else was like crying and really upset and I'm like, I, I can't shed a tear. And it wasn't because that I didn't care. It wasn't that I wasn't upset, it was just that like I physically could not bring myself to show any emotion. Like it, like nothing just happened. And I think the thing too is the fact that we like we got along but at the same time, but the thing is we got along but there were also those bit of iffy moments and like you love her to death. So the fact that I felt that way, like after she passed the fact that that was pretty much my relationship with her, it made me feel bad, you know, because she was a wonderful person and absolutely amazing and I loved her.

Juliette

31:57

But the thing is, and I still love her, but the thing is, is that I didn't have as much time as I thought I would. And like we all knew what was coming since we found out like a year beforehand about her breast or her ovarian cancer. But it was something that we hope wouldn't happen 'cause she got better and then she ended up just going progressively worse. And I think one of the things that make me feel that makes me feel really bad and I realize that this is gonna be pretty much for everybody's death that I encounter, is that John Hayden is not gonna know them as long as I've known them. He's not gonna be able to have as close of a relationship with them as I have probably because of that time. And sometimes he does. I think the thing is is because she passed away when he was right after he turned 10, I was 16.

Juliette

32:49

And so the fact that that's six years of memories in life that I had with her that he didn't even have. And the fact too is that you don't even remember some of those things until like you're four or five. And so the fact that he really only had like five years with her is something that's really sad. It's not, it makes you feel kind of, I wouldn't say guilty 'cause it's something that you can't control, but it makes you feel really bad about that. And I think the thing of just adjusting to those feelings and realizing that it is just a natural process and that it just happens is something that I never really had to go through before. And so it was an interesting experience. And then sometimes another thing too was like if I didn't think about it enough, I felt bad.

Juliette

33:36

You know, like if a day went by and I was like I didn't think about her. Like I felt really bad, especially at the, those beginning months. But then the other thing that really made me sad too, I think this was the worst part was Poppie because now he's all by himself. And so whenever we go to his house or Christmas especially was rough. Christmas was fun but it was rough. And so just having to be that comfort, you know? And so it's something that I never really went through before. I had no idea how I was gonna react to grief. You know, I didn't know if I was gonna be the kind of person who would end up in my room bawling my eyes out for like 24 hours if I was the kind of person who just went on with life and was like, okay. And so it was, it was a process that I wasn't used to. But I think, I don't know, I think that's pretty much what happened. It taught me, I guess how I react to these situations, which are not easy situations to react to either.

Melissa

34:34

What were some things you admired most about her?

Juliette

34:37

She was a very strong woman. I promise you. I'm not crying, but my voice is kind of like... Like when you talk so long and your voice is kind of going like, yeah, you know, maybe I should really learn to like start speaking from my diaphragm 'cause that's something that I gotta learn. But…

Melissa

34:52

I don't even know what that means.

Juliette

34:53

It's, it's what you use for…

Melissa

34:54

That's actor talk.

Juliette

34:55

Yeah, yeah, exactly. 'cause I'm much more of like a head person. I'll speak up here and so then my throat will get very closed off, which is not healthy. But going back to what you said before, she was a very strong woman. Like she, there was just a presence about her. She was, she was very like, you just knew that she could do anything and that she could get through anything. And she held on for a very long time. And so I think one of the things that shocked me too was the fact that she didn't make it because I always admired her to be this very strong individual. And the fact that she was in hospice for like, what was it, two weeks I think.

Melissa

35:36

I think it was like 10 days.

Juliette

35:38

Oh it wasn't even two weeks. Wow.

Melissa

35:40

Yeah.

Juliette

35:41

And she was gone. It was just, I don't know, it was really sad. But I always viewed her to be, I don't know, it was just a sort of presence about her that made her seem like she could do anything if she wanted to.

Melissa

35:54

Do you have any favorite memories with her? 

Juliette

35:57

I have a couple. I have like three that I think I'll share. 'cause those are the ones that are like popped into my head immediately. My first memory was, or some of these are like memories that happen. Like often when I was younger we would always do puzzles together on our phone on like her iPad, which was always great. And so we'd stay up and also like we'd stay up really late. Like when you weren't there, we'd be up till like one or two in the morning. I don't know if you knew that or not, but if you haven't known that, that's information that you can have. Like we'd stay up really late.

Melissa

36:30

Well that was her choice. And yeah, she gets a deal with the fallout the next morning. 

Juliette

36:36

It’s like six or seven and I'm staying up till like one, 2:00 AM But we would play puzzles and then we'd like, she'd tell me a bunch of stories and I always loved her stories. Her stories were always great. They were usually, you know, like the same stories over and over again. But like for some reason you always wanted to keep hearing them over and over and over again. I think one of the things, this was the most recent, the last memory that I had of her or one of the last ones minus like a FaceTime that we had before I left for Egypt was she took me driving. And I think it's good that before she died she took me driving. Because the thing is, is that I wanted to let her know that I was a really bad driver. And thankfully, I will say very thankfully, I did not kill her. Something else killed her. So I'm thankful that I was not the one who was responsible for that. We were in a church parking…

Melissa

37:30

Y'all were in a parking lot. It's not like you could've done much damage in the parking lot there.

Juliette

37:35

Reminds me of the episode of Bob's Burgers where Tina's like driving in a parking lot and there's one car and they like this big mall parking lot and she actually like hits it. 

Melissa

37:42

It’s like she's like a magnet to it. I remember that episode. 

Juliette

37:46

Yeah, that's, I feel like that's me sometimes too. I have a magnet to the curb.

Melissa

37:51

So just side note, Juliette will be 17 next week and we just had to renew her learners' permit. Did you know learners' permits expire? Yeah. I don't think anybody has ever had them long enough to realize that. But yeah, if you have your learners' permit for two years and don't get your regular license, you have to ex… you have to renew it, it expires.

Juliette

38:11

Well. I also don't think that I should have my license for a good bit.

Melissa

38:15

Yeah, that's good.

Juliette

38:16

That's good. Okay. But the thing is,

Melissa

38:19

The first step is acceptance. Like and admitting you have a problem.

Juliette

38:27

My name is Juliette Teutsch and I can't drive a car properly. Welcome to my therapy session about why I'm sad that I can't drive. Well no, like I'm eager to drive at one point, but at the same time I know that if I were to like get out on the road right now and I had nobody with me, like that car would not be intact, I don't think,

Melissa

38:51

Although this doesn't really, I mean this is another change like that is a huge step in your life to be able to go and come. Yeah, that's a big, that's a big step towards independence. Do you, are you resentful? Are, are you, 'cause I feel like sometimes you're a little resentful that we were hesitant to really embrace teaching you earlier than we did.

Juliette

39:17

I think the thing was is at the beginning, like when I first got my license I was like, okay, or my permit not my license. I was like, okay, like I have it, but I don't think I was very eager to drive because I had so much other stuff going on. So I was like, okay, like one day and then sort of, I don't remember when, because we didn't really start driving until like a year after I got my learner's permit, which is pretty like, it was like probably like right before I turned 16 that we actually like started getting out on the road and driving. Like I took driver's ed before I got, I probably reached 10 hours of driving before I got my driver's ed and like everybody else pretty much like finished their requirements. But I think…

Melissa

39:57

In Georgia you have to have 40 hours of driving. Yeah. To get your driver's license.

Juliette

40:03

But apparently nobody really checks. But…

Melissa

40:05

Yeah.

Juliette

40:06

I'm scared that they will. And also if I don't have 40 hours of driving, which I do now, I need more though. I probably need like 80, maybe 1, maybe 120 is a good number. I think I need like 120 is what I…

Melissa

40:19

We're not tracking anymore.

Juliette

40:21

No, we're done tracking. But I think the thing is is like, especially like this summer I've, I feel like this summer is when I've been the most resentful for like not resentful for you guys not teaching me early enough, but more like on myself and like, gosh, why can I not like drive a car properly? Because I feel like especially, especially this year, I'm gonna be going to school back and forth and a little bit of information. My school is like 45 minutes away from where I am. So it's a bit of a trek. Thankfully during the school days I have a bus that takes me. So that's not a big deal. But because I do theater and I have obligations and other things that I have to do, I'm pretty much up there like every weekend it feels like. So the fact that y'all have to keep driving me up there I feel like is really, it's, it's like a loose, loose situation for both of us, you know, because you can't, you have to drive me up there and you don't wanna drive me up there and I don't want you to drive me up there because I know that you're gonna get annoyed with driving me up there and like so forth and so on.

Juliette

41:22

And so I think that's one of the main reasons why this summer I've been more so like looking forward to getting my license so that I don't have to put that burden on you guys as much, you know? Yeah, because y'all have lives and y'all have work and like you'll have, I mean y'all have been absolutely great you more than dad because dad's like, why do we have to take her? And you're just like, okay. Like we'll take you. Most of the time…

Melissa

41:45

It's my podcast listening time. Yeah.

Juliette

41:47

So, but with you working from home and everything like it, you've been a lot like more gracious with it I guess, which I think is really nice of you for, for that. At the same time, like I still imagine like I cannot make that drive like once one way without being bored of it because I do, I've been on that drive so many times and so the fact that y'all keep going on that drive like once or twice a week is crazy to me.

Melissa

42:12

Yeah, it's, it's a trek but you know, we're counting down. This is the last year. Yep. Sadly. Also this is the last year!

Juliette

42:21

Hopefully I can get my license before I go to college that you don't have to. Yeah. Yeah.

Melissa

42:25

That's another conversation. Do you feel like you haven't embraced driving and really like put in the effort with it because you're resisting the change? Resisting growing up?

Juliette

42:41

No, I don't think that's it. I think the thing is is that I just have so many things going on that driving is not, for a long time it has not been my top priority. Like it still is not my top priority, but it's like higher up on the list now than it was like a year ago. But I think the thing is that my life has been, 'cause my school, for those of you guys who don't know, which I'm sure none of you guys know other than mom is like I get on a bus at 7 45 in the morning. I get off a bus at like seven o'clock at night. So it's almost a 12 hour, like it's 11 hours and 20 minutes or yeah, 11 hours and 20 minutes of a day that I'm gone. So I don't really have the time. And then on the weekends, not to mention I'm usually busy doing something.

Juliette

43:27

So the fact that there's really no time to do that I think has kind of made it to where it really gets pushed back on the back burner. But I think for the reason this summer that it's more up on the list, which I don't know when school starts, how high up on the list it's gonna be in my like priorities, but probably not high. But the thing is, is because it's summer so I don't really have any school obligations or I'm not gone for 12 hours a day. It's something that's more sitting with me, if that makes any sense. So I wanna it, I'm more eager to get my license now because I'm sitting at home for the most part. And so I think that's one of the reasons why, but I don't think it's because I'm resistant of that change. I just think it's not my top priority.

Melissa

44:09

You've got a lot of change coming up this year.

Juliette

44:13

Oh yeah.

Melissa

44:14

Or over the next year, big time for changes. What are you most looking forward to? 

Juliette

44:20

What am I most looking forward to? I, I really have no idea. I think 'cause I don't, I feel like there's so much change happening this year. Like I don't even know what to expect. Like everything's just kind of happening. And so I, frankly I cannot answer that question because I, I don't even know what's, what's going on because there's just so much going on. So I don't know what I am really exci…i I think. Okay. No, I think I know what I'm excited for but I did this last year too. I think I'm excited for Women's Empowerment. I think this year it's gonna be a really good year and sort of end that off with a bang and then pass that down if other people decide to take it up and continue the club. I think that's something that I'm really excited for. 

Melissa

45:03

Explain for everyone what Women's Empowerment is.

Juliette

45:05

So Women's Empowerment. What we do is we sort of help, our main goal is to help women throughout the school in the local community. Whether that be raising awareness for different causes. So whether that be domestic abuse, sexual assault, or even something as simple as like recognizing women who are in sports. It's just a bunch of different things that we do for women throughout the school and then also women throughout the community. So we'll have like organizations that we partner with and we'll do like drives and sales and stuff. And so it's really just, I mean pretty much as it is in the name, it's pretty much just a club that empowers and helps women. Hopefully this year though, we can go on a more international scale because we found ways in which we can do that. So that's something that we hope to do this year. 'cause we were gonna do it last year, but we had like no time. 

Melissa

45:52

Any final thoughts that you would like to share?

Juliette

45:56

I think I'm all thought out. Like I'm, I'm, I'm out of thoughts. Just kind of, I think I said everything that I need to say.

Melissa

46:02

Thank you for coming on today and being my guinea pig. I appreciate it so much. Love you. Bye

Juliette

46:10

Bye. Love you. Bye.

Melissa

46:12

Thank you for joining us on this episode. If you'd like to be a guest on our show or know someone that has an inspiring story they'd like to share, please visit us online at thisismystorypodcast.com and fill out the contact us form from our website. You can follow us on our social media and subscribe to our newsletter so that you don't miss an episode. New episodes will release every Tuesday. This has been Juliette's story. What's yours?

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